It seems to me that even if my mind does not recognize a date my heart does. Just this morning I wanted to look through my old journals, one from this time last year.
This time last year my husband was in the hospital for pancreatitis. (You will learn although from the outside he is one fine man, on the inside of him his body is turning against itself. ) We had no income coming in, and had just about maxed out the credit card.
Wow just that little paragraph makes us sound so pathetic! All these side stories, yet I guess it is all part of the big story. But this is a “BLOG” not a novel. I can’t cover every branch of this at once.
Back on track now…. This time last year was obviously dark and painful. DUH!! We were a whooping 5 months out from d-day, and every other life changing thing was taking place as well. When my pastor is closing at the end of service he often says “Whatever any one is facing rather it be marriage problems, health problems, financial problems, family problems just come up front and let us pray for you” Well someone up there praying hits the jackpot when we go up front!
Yet you know it can always get worse, and it did. I was sitting in that hospital room late at night and my very best friend responded to my text. I had asked her if everything was okay. Earlier in the day we had a conversation that led me to ask. Her response “No , no it is not, I think you know and you probably do not want to be my friend anymore”
This is it, this marks the time of my life that my heart must have said “everyone is a liar” This is the beginning of me becoming a cynic in the area of Christians. My friend who had heard me cry over the pain of betrayal had been having an affair herself, and that night her husband laid it all out for her and how he had learned over the last week of everything. Here I was again feeling so betrayed once again by someone I dearly loved.
Infidelity is like a bad vine that does not stay contained to one area. This is not where I was headed with things but it is now! I hit something as I was writing. Maybe my heart wants to remember so I can see this is one more vine that has tangled itself around me. Infidelity of any kind creates pain for many, not just your spouse. It hurts your children, your parents, your in-laws, your siblings, your church family, and it hurts your best friend! My husband’s good friend felt betrayed by him as well. His friend wanted nothing to do with him for a few weeks.
I have never told my friend I felt so betrayed by her. I know she is hurting too. I know she walks around with so much shame. I hate that for her, but yet a part of me hopes she never forgets the pain she has caused. A part of me hopes my husband never forgets. Could it be that their heart should always remember, could this be “a thorn in their side” , the “cross they have to bear”? Forgiveness is awesome, and grace covers it all, I know this!! But should our hearts forget what our flesh is capable of and the pain we have caused others.
If you are in any form of infidelity I am sure you are frightened to death to tell anyone, most less your spouse, but I beg you stop the selfishness and tell them.
Don’t have secrets. To be discovered will only make it worse. Maybe you don’t want to end the affair, tell your spouse anyway!! You can’t sort through anything in the dark! Most every unfaithful spouse who got caught wishes they would have had the courage to come forward.